Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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