Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
