I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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