I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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