Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
