ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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