I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
