I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The struggles of a small town man whore
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
