it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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