Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
