Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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