I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
