Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just had sex on a roof
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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