He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
