Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
