omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The Olympian is in my bed
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
