my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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