my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
