my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
