my shit smells like andre
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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