On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
