I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
