..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
