Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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