He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
