ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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