my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
