Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
