we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
