Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
whose parrot is this?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
