you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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