It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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