our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
