I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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