I wish I could punch you in the face.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
