if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
