i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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