did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
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I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
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I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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