Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
