I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
