Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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