Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
