yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
