they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
