its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
