Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
