I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
