I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
