you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
