She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
