I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I checked into jail on foursquare
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
