Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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