I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
