so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
