totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
