It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize