Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
