I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
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