I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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