Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
