i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the day after is always just damage control
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
