I cannot find my penis.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
