I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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