theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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