i permit you to call me
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
