If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
