he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
