i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
