i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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