you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
