I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
