i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
And then my night got REAL pukey
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
