we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
