i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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