I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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