I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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