Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
