Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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